What if I could take a fun creative hobby and incorporate it into my grieving process? What if I could use something that gives me peace and joy and let it help me with my loss and sadness?
I have become enamoured with jigsaw puzzles. They have filled a void in my life and I have been amazed at just how many holes those puzzle pieces are filling in my days.
Jigsaw puzzles and grief have some things in common and it makes sense to me that I would be able to incorporate the two together.
Both take time. I'm not a speed puzzler anymore than I am a speed griever. Every piece of a puzzle adds to my joy as much as every tear adds to my grief journey. Every tear matters as much as every piece matters. There is a something beautiful that arises after each piece of the puzzle is placed, and there is something beautiful in a grief journey that has allowed the time to shape it.
This month, I am grieving the death of a very special man. He is my great Uncle Don. He was 99 years old when he passed away, but if one was to include the nine months he growing in his Mama, he made it to 100.
One thing bothered me in some of my conversations. It was mentioned that when someone is old, there aught to be more happiness than sadness. I am concluding something very different. Loss is loss. And if you have had something for a lot of years, there is a lot more attachment to grieve. It hurts that I can't look forward to my phone calls or visits with Uncle Don. It hurts that I won't share in the projects he is passionate about. It hurts because he is someone who has been alive my whole life and now he is not. There is nothing easy for me just because he was "old".
I went shopping and even that seemed to be something that reminded me of Uncle Don. He spent his life in commerce, so making a purchase at our local store seemed fitting. I found a puzzle that stuck out for me as a great memory puzzle. Uncle Don was the twelfth child in his family, and this picture had twelve adorable critters. I don't know if there is anything else significant about this puzzle that would have reminded me of Uncle Don, but I didn't need it to be a photograph of him for me to think of him while I was putting the pieces together.
Today is his funeral in Saskatchewan. I am sad because I can't gather with the family to remember him. Mother Nature was not supporting my decision to travel this time. It is strange, but I really wanted to go to this funeral. I had almost given up on funerals. Most funerals don't help me to grieve, and are almost a hindrance to the process for me. But a Regier funeral is so much more than just one person. To me, they are family gatherings and I feel so far away from my family right now, that an opportunity to be surrounded by family would have been encouraging. For me, it's not just about the person, but it is about the people.
I did a puzzle last week that had a missing edge piece. I think that the perfect memory puzzle would have missing pieces.
I miss you Uncle Don. Thank you for being a pretty special piece in the puzzle of my life.
