A phone call from my sister today brought news of the death of a dear friend and family member. Gunnar was my nephew Ben's Rottweiler. I still remember as we drove up to the trailer where everyone was gathered that evening of the day Ben died. There was Gunnar, waiting on the deck for his "Papa". So many people had gathered at the trailer and some were strangers to Gunnar. He wasn't going to move from his post. He saw all these people walk into Ben's trailer and he only had eyes waiting for one man to come home.
Gunnar was the first one that night that got a tearstained hug from me. That dog lost so much that night, and he didn't even know it. Maybe he had a sense of something. It is hard to understand what animals pick up from humans. But I was told that he didn't move off the deck for at least a week. He kept waiting.
I spent this afternoon compiling pictures of Gunnar and discovered that most of them were taken from 2017 and later... after Ben died. It was then that I realized that all the time I spent with Gunnar was in response to loss and grief. I didn't know who needed who the most, but every chance we got to be together, I had my iPhone handy and I got selfies, videos and pictures of my big brown furry four-legged friend. I was collecting memories and today, I was amazed at how many I had.
Gunnar was my connection to Ben. I could no longer go and see Ben, but Gunnar was there waiting for me. I could talk to him and share my sadness with him. He said nothing, but his kisses and companionship were all I needed to be reassured that he understood my pain. I will never know how and when he started to cry, but a while back he started having problem with his eyes. Maybe it took a while, but the tears finally caught up for him.
I miss my friend. He is more than a memory of my nephew, he is a friend all unto his own. He is my family and as I say in my video... my best friend in the canine world. Maybe that is because we found communion together.
Here is the video that I made for him today. I call it my "Love Letter" to Gunnar.
"Love walks on four legs as much as it walks on two."
Ruby Neumann