It was Janice who told me that some friendships are for a "time and a season". I wonder if that was her way of letting go of people when she didn't have a choice to keep them. Who really starts a friendship with the understanding that one day it could end? Who wants to willingly invest quality personal time in a person knowing that it is only temporary? Aren't all friendships started with the hope of them lasting a lifetime?
I met Janice in 1995 and I have this photograph from our first weekend together. It was a conference in Banff. I don't know why we connected. She was a very joyful person and was always gravitating towards people. It wasn't hard for her to make friends. She loved people and it seemed her life's passion to pour love and joy into others. So maybe that is why. I am drawn to people of passion and that was Janice.
"I have the spiritual gift of encouragement." I often heard her say. We both belonged to a church that seemed to want us to label ourselves with one or two of the spiritual gifts as permanent possessions. I remember those days. I also remembered the struggle for me to figure out what mine was. It wasn't until much later that I came to understand what could be the fluidity of "spiritual gifts". To think I had to hang on to one as my forever identity really takes away from the accessibility of all the "gifts" to all people. But that seems like a lifetime ago.
I got a phone call yesterday from a woman who I met the same weekend as Janice. We had not communicated for what seems like over twenty years. She got my phone number and called me on New Year's Day. I told her that she made my year. As we talked, she shared with me that Janice had passed away. As I was on the phone with her, I went to my computer and found Janice's obituary. She passed away in 2012... over ten years ago.
I guess I was that "time and a season" friend for Janice. I don't even remember when we lost touch. I have thought about her over the years, and this morning I went digging in my photographs and found a few photos from my time with her.
I guess the question I have for myself now is..
"If you haven't been in contact for two decades, what does her loss feel like for you?
Honestly, I wish I could cry. I wish I could honour her with my tears. I guess tears seem to appear in fresh losses and not so much in a loss of someone that has been gone for ten years. I cry when someone dies that I "can't live without"... but Janice... I lived without her for two decades. So the tears are not there.
My heart weeps on the inside. It remembers a friend who gave of herself to me and so many others. It weeps for the lost opportunities to connect over the years. It weeps because there are no more chances to reconnect.
I have a special gift from Janice. It is a photograph, and on the back of the photograph, she wrote a heartfelt thankful message that gives me a smile.
Thank you Janice for the "time and season" you gave me as a friend.
"You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can’t forget. Those are your friends." ~ Mark Twain
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